There was an intense period in my life where marriage became an idol in my heart. I was new-er in the faith, and I was slapped in the face with a desire for marriage. I had never experienced anything like it before I got saved. I wasn’t hardly aware that it became an idol, but it became an excuse for my discontentment. I couldn’t go on social media without pouting. It was a serious issue. And, to add insult to injury I wasn’t guarding my heart. I would see a man and think ‘Lord, is this, my husband?’ It was exhausting, thankfully God showed me the idol I’d made of marriage.
This began the process of realizing that a man and a ring could not fix any of my heart issues. God revealed to me that this exceeded far past marriage, I wanted love and approval. And, that was a heart issue, one that only He could fix. I soon realized how silly it all was, here it is I have Love, and yet it wasn’t enough. I have God’s approval, and yet it wasn’t enough. I wanted something “tangible”, something that could be applauded by the world I live in. God also had me informed by godly couples who were transparent about the fact that marriage is hard. Those butterflies in your stomach and that new love feeling eventually blows over. One couple even called marriage, ‘the cross’. Eek. That marriage shows us our selfishness, and for it to work we must die to ourselves.
I realized I had some very unrealistic expectations about marriage. I’m sure that is the reason why most marriages fail today. I believe we as women we expect men to be our Prince Charming. God had to reveal to me that what my Savior did on the cross for me, would always be unmatched. That only Jesus saves and satisfies. And, the expectations that I expected from a man (made from dust), were not realistic.
And, recently the Holy Spirit had whispered to me, “pray for your husband”. And, I was in shock. By God’s grace, I had removed marriage from God’s throne, and I was sure that praying for some man I didn’t know would lead me to right back where I was. The first few times I prayed for him, I could not call him ‘my husband’. It just seemed weird. I prayed that God would keep my mind and heart occupied before He sent me my husband. I was afraid of going back to that place of pouting and sulking.
And, because God is faithful I hadn’t experienced those feelings yet again. Until tonight, and it came out of nowhere. Well, Satan had been planting seeds today (as always) and I think I wasn’t capturing those thoughts as quickly as I should have. So, later on, while I’m trying to read my Bible. A picture enters my mind of a woman I follow on social media who had very recently gotten engaged. And, boy did Satan taunt me with it. The tears came out of nowhere. I thought my prayers were making me miss the future husband I haven’t even met. I even thought God was stirring me up to love and miss this man I hadn’t yet met. I’m not even sure what I believe.
But, I know that what I need is for God to continue conforming me to the image of His Son. I know I need to find my identity and worth in Christ, alone. I know I ain’t ready to be nobody’s wife, yet. I know I need to keep my eyes on Jesus and be present in my life. I need to continue to pray for my husband and our future marriage. It will be hard, but it will honor God. I also need to trust in God’s wisdom and know His timing is perfect.
So, I just wanted to encourage you that God is faithful. And, we need to stay in the Potter’s hands so He can make us all He intended us to be.
Prayer: Lord, I pray that we would seek the fountain of living waters. I pray that we would seek you with all of our hearts and might. I pray that when we feel lonely, we’ll sit at your feet God. When we want to belong, we’ll think about our adoption as your children. I pray that we will always seek you first God. I pray that we won’t count on anyone but You to make us feel valid. Lord, may we cling to you, and may you hold uphold us with a willing spirit. God, let your love and acceptance be enough. I pray that we would speak your Words to our seeking hearts. Lord, we know only You can make us whole. There is no one but Jesus who saves. We thank you for His blood today. We say this prayer in Jesus name, Amen.